What Does it Mean to be an Ally to a Sexual Assault Survivor?

bklynboihood:

We use the term “ally” for someone who is truly supportive of the survivor. Often people in the survivor’s life are trying to be helpful, but are doing so in ways that don’t feel helpful or supportive to the survivor. Examples: encouraging the survivor to “leave it in the past,” trying to “cheer up” a survivor who is feeling sad or angry, or attempting to have the survivor view the abuse as less painful because “it could have been worse.” These strategies: denial, avoidance, and minimization are commonly used by survivors and those trying to “help,” but they interfere with the process of true healing.

Read More

Source: bklynboihood

Warning: Very explicit discussion of sexual assault and the nature, anatomy, cause & effect of triggers. Is itself triggery.

Totally worth the read if you don’t know what a trigger is or how it works.

This is not to say that others can’t talk about rape or make jokes about rape, that it’s a completely verboten topic. But people who haven’t been raped need to graciously accept that they might be called out on having said something ignorant or offensive; if they aren’t willing to deal with the fact that there are rape victims *everywhere* who have more authority to talk about what rape actually is, then they’ve got no call to be cracking shitty jokes, or defending them as inoffensive and misinterpreted. And, too, I think rape jokes often operate on the premise that the joker *isn’t* in fact surrounded by rape victims, that rape *isn’t* as prevalent or devastating as it is. That kind of basic disregard for an epidemic proportion of women is at the heart of the reason why people feel they can make rape jokes, or why they’re funny: because they feel the experience of women isn’t worth considering.
A woman walks into a rape, uh, bar

Things I’ve learned about PTSD

Panic attacks happen. There are physical and psychological symptoms, be aware of your body and how it responds. My favorites?

  • Chest pain
  • Body memories
  • Inability to breathe or a shortness of breath; hyperventilation
  • Shaking/trembling
  • Nausea, upset stomach
  • Racing heart
  • Disorientation
There are things that help ease an attack
  • Breathe; slowly and deeply
  • No one’s looking, they don’t really know how much this freaks you out
  • The more you fight it, the worse it gets; let it go
  • Music helps
  • Focus on the external, but not on body memories, anything but touch
  • Take a light walk when you’re feeling better
  • Express yourself
  • No alcohol
  • It’s okay to cry
  • It’s okay to not cry.
  • Go easy on yourself.

[TW description of sexual assault]

stfurapeculture:

I received this email from someone wishing to remain anonymous. I’m sorry it took me so long to respond!

This question came up when I was reading your last response to someone’s question about being sexually assaulted. I am a victim of sexual battery. A man masturbated behind me onto my thigh while I was standing outside a grocery store in a crowded area/sidewalk. I felt beyond violated but when I reported it to the police they classified the incident as sexual battery and not rape. I do not claim to know what being a rape victim feels like but after the incident I was shaken to the core of my being and experienced a lot of trauma. So my question to you is this: do you think we should include cases of assault and battery (I actually still don’t know the difference) into the definition of rape? I know rape does not always necessarily have to involve intercourse, but does the law think so? Would including incidents such as mine and the person you responded to earlier (about unwanted groping and touching) be diminishing rape victims’ experiences and lessening the severity of the word?

As far as the law is concerned, this varies widely dependent on where you live. There are many different terms used to define sexual assault under the law, including: rape, attempted rape, sexual assault, sexual battery, sexual abuse, aggravated sexual abuse, statutory rape, etc. There are some terms just for victims below the age of consent and sometimes the law will include degrees of the crime (eg: rape in the third degree). Then there are some federal laws that apply to people who would fall under federal jurisdiction, such as people in federal prisons, or persons committing crimes across state lines.

In terms of how we colloquially use the word “rape,” my opinion is that it should be up to individual survivors to define their experience. I’ve noticed people tend to diminish their own painful experiences with sexual assault as ‘not that bad,’ or think they’re overreacting because other people have had worse experiences. The thing is, everyone is entitled to their own reaction and their own feelings about their experiences. No one’s trauma is any more or less valid than anyone else’s. I don’t think that including incidences that didn’t involve penetration lessens the severity of the word or diminishes anyone’s experience.

The thing that bugs me the most about laws specifically involving rape cases is the wording. In Texas, what the writer experienced would not be considered sexual assault or battery or rape. What they experienced would probably best fall under indecent exposure. If that. I am in no way intending to invalidate their trauma, those are just the facts for my particular state. (The only one I could comment on.)

Rape is a sensitive subject and I think because people are unwilling to talk openly about what constitutes rape and what doesn’t—along with the fact that each individual state can have their own law(s) concerning it—it never gets properly displayed for what it is. Personally, I’ve suffered a lot of physical abuse, molestation and what Texas defines as sexual assaults. These words all carry different connotations and those connotations and the reader’s predispositions toward them can drastically affect their attitude toward the victim.

The difference between physical abuse and physical assault. Sexual abuse, sexual assault, rape and molestation (I have heard people equate the terms before).

I’d like to be able to say that they’re all the same to me. But, I can’t. I have the disposition that assaults are rare occurrences and abuse is more frequent. Rape was a rare occurrence in my eyes until my own rape. Molestation, too, seemed a distant and chanced thing. Blame the culture if you will or blame my youth. Just remember that I’m not alone in my assumptions. Remember that I had to learn those things from someone. From somewhere.

Source: stfurapeculture

Texas Penal Code Section § 22.011: Sexual Assault

(a) A person commits an offense if the person
(1) intentionally or knowingly:
(A) causes the penetration of the anus or sexual organ of another person by any means, without that person’s consent;
(B) causes the penetration of the mouth of another person by the sexual organ of the actor, without that person’s consent; or
(C) causes the sexual organ of another person, without that person’s consent, to contact or penetrate the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of another person, including the actor; or
(2) intentionally or knowingly:
(A) causes the penetration of the anus or sexual organ of a child by any means;
(B) causes the penetration o the mouth of a child by the sexual organ of an actor;
(C) causes the sexual organ of a child to contact or penetrate the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of another person, including the actor;
(D) causes the anus of a child to contact the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of another person, including the actor; or
(E) causes the mouth of a child to contact the anus or sexual organ of another person, including the actor.

(b) A sexual assault under Subsection (a)(1) is without the consent of the other person if:
(1) the actor compels the other person to submit or participate by the use of physical force or violence;
(2) the actor compels the other person to submit or participate by threatening to use force or violence against the other person, and the other person believes that the actor has the present ability to execute the threat;
(3) the other person has not consented and the actor knows the other person is unconscious or physically unable to resist;
(4) the actor knows that as a result of mental disease or defect the other person is at the time of the sexual assault incapable either of appraising the nature of the act or of resisting it;
(5) the other person has not consented and the actor knows the other person is unaware that the sexual assault is occurring;
(6) the actor has intentionally impaired the other person’s power to appraise or control the other person’s conduct by administering any substance without the other person’s knowledge;
(7) the actor compels the other person to submit or participate by threatening to use force or violence against any person, and the other person believes that the actor has the ability to execute the threat;
(8) the actor is a public servant who coerces the other person to submit or participate;
(9) the actor is a mental health services provider or a health care services provider who causes the other person, who is a patient or former patient of the actor, to submit or participate by exploiting the other person’s emotional dependency on the actor;
(10) the actor is a clergyman who causes the other person to submit or participate by exploiting the other person’s emotional dependency on the clergyman in the clergyman’s professional character as spiritual adviser; or
(11) the actor is an employee of a facility where the other person is a resident, unless the employee and resident are formally or informally married to each other under Chapter 2, Family Code.
(c) In this section:
(1) “Child” means a person younger than 17 years of age who is not the spouse of the actor.
(2) “Spouse” means a person who is legally married to another.
(3) “Health care services provider” means:
(A) a physician licensed under Subtitle B, Title 3, Occupations Code;
(B) a chiropractor licensed under Chapter 201, Occupations Code;
(C) a physical therapist licensed under Chapter 453, Occupations Code;
(D) a physician assistant licensed under Chapter 204, Occupations Code; or
(E) a registered nurse, a vocational nurse, or an advanced practice nurse licensed under Chapter 301, Occupations Code.
(4) “Mental health services provider” means an individual, licensed or unlicensed, who performs or purports to perform mental health services, including a:
(A) licensed social worker as defined by Section 505.002, Occupations Code;
(B) chemical dependency counselor as defined by Section 504.001, Occupations Code;
(C) licensed professional counselor as defined by Section 503.002, Occupations Code;
(D) licensed marriage and family therapist as defined by Section 502.002, Occupations Code;
(E) member of the clergy;
(F) psychologist offering psychological services as defined by Section 501.003, Occupations Code; or
(G) special officer for mental health assignment certified under Section 1701.404, Occupations Code.
(5) “Employee of a facility” means a person who is an employee of a facility defined by Section 250.001, Health and Safety Code, or any other person who provides services for a facility for compensation, including a contract laborer.

(d) It is a defense to prosecution under Subsection (a)(2) that the conduct consisted of medical care for the child and did not include any contact between the anus or sexual organ of the child and the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of the actor or a third party.

(e) It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under Subsection (a)(2) that:
(1) the actor was not more than three years older than the victim and at the time of the offense:
(A) was not required under Chapter 62, Code of Criminal Procedure, to register for life as a sex offender; or
(B) was not a person who under Chapter 62, Code of Criminal Procedure, had a reportable conviction or adjudication for an offense under this section; and
(2) the victim:
(A) was a child of 14 years of age or older; and
(B) was not a person whom the actor was prohibited from marrying or purporting to marry or with whom the actor was prohibited from living under the appearance of being married under Section 25.01.
(f) An offense under this section is a felony of the second degree, except that an offense under this section is a felony of the first degree if the victim was a person whom the actor was prohibited from marrying or purporting to marry or with whom the actor was prohibited from living under the appearance of being married under Section 25.01.

Added by Acts 1983, 68th Leg., p. 5312, ch. 977, § 3, eff. Sept. 1, 1983. Amended by Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 557, § 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1985; Acts 1987, 70th Leg., ch. 1029, § 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1987; Acts 1991, 72nd Leg., ch. 662, § 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1991; Acts 1993, 73rd Leg., ch. 900, § 1.01, eff. Sept. 1, 1994; Acts 1995, 74th Leg., ch. 273, § 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1995; Acts 1995, 74th Leg., ch. 318, § 6, eff. Sept. 1, 1995; Acts 1997, 75th Leg., ch. 1031, § 1, 2, eff. Sept. 1, 1997; Acts 1997, 75th Leg., ch. 1286, § 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1997; Acts 1999, 76th Leg., ch. 1102, § 3, eff. Sept. 1, 1999; Acts 1999, 76th Leg., ch. 1415, § 24, eff. Sept. 1, 1999; Acts 2001, 77th Leg., ch. 1420, § 14.829, eff. Sept. 1, 2001; Acts 2003, 78th Leg., ch. 155, § 1, 2, eff. Sept. 1, 2003; Acts 2003, 78th Leg., ch. 528, § 1, eff. Sept. 1, 2003; Acts 2003, 78th Leg., ch. 553, § 2.017, eff. Feb. 1, 2004; Acts 2005, 79th Leg., ch. 268, § 4.02, eff. Sept. 1, 2005.