And I’m super cheesy.
I take pictures of my face.
I lied, it’s more like this.
This is the me you get when we Skype, dearest internet.
There is a discussion about pubic hair happening on a blog I follow.
And reading the responses brought up a level of emotional reaction I wasn’t expecting. I need to say things.
Number One: I am an adult. I look like an adult. If you prefer your vulvas to look prepubescent, please go somewhere else.
Number Two: If you have an opinion on pubic hair that doesn’t involve the statement, “whatever my partner decides is best for them,” I think you need to sit down with yourself and critically engage where your expectations about pubic hair come from.
Number Three: I cannot express in words how completely shocking, humiliating, dumbfounding, and overwhelming it can be to be told (while in the midst of getting down) that your pubic hair plays a large role in what your partner will or won’t do for you. I was once stunned into silence by a boyfriend’s feeling of total entitlement to determine what I did or didn’t do with my HAIR DOWN THERE.
I am not yours, I am mine. My body doesn’t belong to you, it is me. You are not entitled to tell me what to do with my body, only I have the right to determine what feels right to me and go from there.
To paraphrase one of my favorite skits from The Vagina Monologues: If you don’t like hair, you don’t really like vulvas.
</rant>
Not every guy I’ve been with gets this. It’s always bothered me and I usually open with her first statement: “I’m an adult, my body looks like an adult.” However I’m more than willing to hold my partner to the standards that they may want to hold me to: eg, shaving/waxing down there. Usually, that nips the conversation in the bud and the response is: “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”
Source: feminismisprettycool
Diary of a would be Medical Examiner: Fast times and tests.
Hi! I know I’ve been a little bit quiet for the past week or so, sorry about that. I’m trying to be better about this kind of stuff.
So, my second week back in college was interesting. I’m pretty sure Mark (note to self: get photos) really wants to be teaching a class on feminism instead of English. I’m basing this assumption on how he interacts with the class. He’s kind of awkward, in a way. Also, got triggered in class today. Watched a movie with rape/sexual assault statistics. I almost walked out.
Spanish is Spanish. I’m doing alright in the class, making really small mistakes that I shouldn’t be making. I mean, an A is an A, but it could be a better A. I got lazy and didn’t do the workbook crap. Those small mistakes I’m making tend to be because I took French forever ago and then there’s the whole myfamilydoesn’tknowproperSpanish part. Clicking on the image below should take you to a better, legible, photo.
Which reminds me that I still need to get an outline done for my case study, y’know questions to ask and whatnot. Psych. I have some serious studying to do since the book and theories that she wants me to memorize are a little bit outdated.
Other news, I looked into Boston University some more, getting their requirements down just so I have a basic idea of what I need to do and have before applying.
Yay Boston.
But really, it’s looking like it’s going to be easier for me to get into medical school than it is for me to get into the University of Texas at Austin. I mean, if I wasn’t so adamant about getting into medical school I’d probably go to Texas A&M.
UT wants all of my information regarding classes I’ve taken, credits I’ve received, everything on everything, essentially. And frankly, I’d like to have some of my record just ignored. Like, the whole year of Hawaii. I don’t want that to reflect on my schooling now because SO much happened during that time.
I’ll have to talk to a counselor at UT before I’ll know anything concrete about that.
Anyway, I have some psych stuff to study, which I should be posting as soon as I get the formatting down. I know we have a paper due and I think we have a quiz or some sort of review tomorrow. Definitely our first test is going to be on February 2nd.
Also! Second day of my fast, I ended up waiting a little bit so Steven and I could do it together.
Double Also! Wicked next weekend. I’m super excited.
A quick apology/update
I haven’t really been too active these past few days because of personal stuff happening with my family.
My aunt (Mina) has dementia/alzheimer’s/ALS/Lou Gherig’s/frontal lobal dementia/the doctors can’t really decide and they don’t really have a treatment plan.
That being said, she’s been sick-er as of late. I.e., pneumonia, general lack of movement in her limbs, loss of control of her body.
So, Saturday night she wasn’t doing too good. Sunday morning, my cousins take her over to the ER. (She’s been in and out of hospitals since Thanksgiving.) My uncle’s at the point where he doesn’t want anyone to know anything because if they cared, they’d call. So, he says he doesn’t want my mom to know. And I mean, I get it, I do. But my Mom’s helped as much as she can.
It is her sister after all. (I get that it’s his wife and it’s my cousins’ Mom.) I also understand that there are simply some people we can’t stand seeing sick.
For Mom, it’s my aunt (Mina). For Mina it was my grandma. For my cousin Anthony (Mina’s son), it’s Mina. Some people just can’t handle seeing x person sick/hurting. I get it.
Well, my Mina heard Peno (her husband) telling their daughter Sheila that he didn’t want to call my mom or my other aunt Lisa.
Mina told him that he should call Mom. She told him that she wanted to see Mom.
This sounds very final. it fucking sucks.
Mom calls me in the living room and we go to San Anton. My aunt is yellow and sickly and really the whole ordeal is fucking painful to watch.
It feels very final.
We spent the night Sunday and by the end of the night she was looking better than she had when we first got to San Antonio.
It was one day. One very long day. It’s felt like forever. I’m actually waiting for RAAM’s shadow to finish downloading so I can unwind.
I might be a few days before I go back to posting stuff like the 30 day drawing challenge.
My aunt said she was seeing and talking to family members who’ve passed. Grandma and grandpa, 4 and 19 years, respectively.
She didn’t remember me and mom visiting her Monday morning before we made the drive up to Austin for work and whatnot.
It’s.
Tiring.
I think I’m less open to bullshit on the internet right now.
Especially considering the racial and classist crap that my family has had to endure from WellMed. God, that company screwed them so completely. I cannot express.
This isn’t even mentioning what Lisa’s doing.
Fuck.
Anyway, I’m around. You know how to get at me.
Things I’ve learned about PTSD
Panic attacks happen. There are physical and psychological symptoms, be aware of your body and how it responds. My favorites?
- Chest pain
- Body memories
- Inability to breathe or a shortness of breath; hyperventilation
- Shaking/trembling
- Nausea, upset stomach
- Racing heart
- Disorientation
- Breathe; slowly and deeply
- No one’s looking, they don’t really know how much this freaks you out
- The more you fight it, the worse it gets; let it go
- Music helps
- Focus on the external, but not on body memories, anything but touch
- Take a light walk when you’re feeling better
- Express yourself
- No alcohol
- It’s okay to cry
- It’s okay to not cry.
- Go easy on yourself.
